I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
