Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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