Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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