Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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