Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
