I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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