Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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