theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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