Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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