Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Let's get the cat blown out
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I am mentally ready for anal.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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