So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
