im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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