i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
