I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
