Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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