using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
