She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
