I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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