It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
