Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
