You're completely useless in the revolution.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
This is the high leading the old right now
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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