..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
