And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
