Just cropdusted the office
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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