Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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