maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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