"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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