So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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