If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
