Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
