and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
