you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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