this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
