I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
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