I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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