Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
