i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
