if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
