i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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