I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
