what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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