I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
