somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
