You don't have asthma, your pregnant
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
