sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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