I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
