the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
