I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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