best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
