I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
